Vendetta On.

After work yesterday, I took a walk on down to chelsea to get my bike out of the impound at pier 76. Quite displeased at having to lay out $185 of my hard earned money just to get my bike back. Yeah, it was parked on the sidewalk, yeah your not supposed to do that, but it wasn't bothering anybody, wasn't blocking the sidewalk or the entrances to any businesses. It was a victimless crime, with an impact so minimal as to be insignificant. So why would they come and cut my chain (which cost over $100) and take my bike? Somebody must have called in and complained.

Despite my offer of $100 cash and a lapdance at the hustler club, the guy who escorted me to get the registration out of my bike declined to let me ride away. I told the clerks that I'm an Ecological Superhero doing battle with the forces of Global Warming, but it didn't matter. It still took them an hour to process the paperwork and I still had to pay the full fine. While I'm standing there, I see another dude with a bike helmet, so I strike up a conversation. Turns out, his bike got towed off the same street, albeit a few avenues over. When I finally got it back, I went to speak to the pound supervisor to find out who I should sue for the damage to my bike. I showed him one of the cut chain links (the chain was still hanging off the bike, locked up to the frame) and asked if the NYC tow trucks had the necessary equipment to cut a chain of this type. he said no way, the police had to call it in. Off to the Midtown North precinct I flew.

I initially went to file a police report for destruction of personal property. My exchange with the secretary went a little something like this:

PO'ed Secretary: What time did you park the vehicle?

NYC Biker: 9 am.

PO'ed Secretary: What time did you notice the chain had been cut?

NYC Biker: 1:30 pm. But, the bike was still there, and the chain was still intact when I went down for a cigarette at 10:30 am.

PO'ed Secretary: But the incident occurred between the hours of 9 am and 1:30 pm?

NYC Biker: The incident occured between the hours of 10:30 am and 1:30 pm. I went down there to smoke a butt and everything was still fin...

PO'ed Secretary: (Rudely interrupting) The incident occurred between the hours of 9 am and 1:30 pm, is that correct?

NYC Biker: (Annoyed) More specifically, the incident occurred between the hours of 10:30 am and 1:30 pm.

PO'ed Secretary: Did the incident occur between the hours of 9 am and 1:30 pm?

NYC Biker: Yes, the incident did occur between those hours.

I don't know what it is about me that makes these civil servants , who always seem to be black and surly and female and middle aged, even more blacker and more surlier. But they are some of the most frustrating people to deal with. Worst attitudes. Anyhoo, when I tell her my bike got towed - it is a felony to file a false police report, and I know that one would come back to bite me in the ass real hard, she goes over and tells the lieutenant what's up.

Lieutenant turns out to be a decent guy, and spends some time explaining the whole process. I show him the link, and he tells me they would have had to call the Emergency Services Unit in to cut a chain like this, because only they've got the gigantic, gas powered rotary
saw that can cut this type of chain. When I ask if this team just drives around the city cutting bike chains, he says no, it would have had to be called in special.

I leave with the impression that some uptight douche called and requested the bike be removed.

Vendetta on.

My bike got towed today.

At 1:30 this afternoon, I was coming back to work, and took a swing around the block to have a look at my baby; my pride and joy, my sun, my moon, my guiding star, but she was gone. The lamp post to which I had chained her every working day for the last 4 years was missing not only my motorcycle, but also the super-duper, industrial strength, highest grade steel, mega chain used to secure my wonderfulness, and keep her safe from the clutches of the evil, scum-sucking bike thieves prowling the streets of this city. And the chain had worked, until today.

The messed up part about all this is that I had just been down there on the sidewalk at 10:30, and noticed an NYPD tow truck idling down the block. I even said to Bruce the maintenance guy, that I hoped the truck wasn't there for my bike. But it was. And he was waiting for the emergency services unit to get there with the gigantic, gas powered circular saw to cut my super chain. I had approximately 4 hours to ponder who would have requested my bike be towed.

There was that POS new head of security at the building across the street. He gave me some shit about the bike on the sideway, but it was worked out when I pointed out that the bike across the street had no effect on him or his job.

Maybe the head of security for my building called it in. I got his number from the front desk and left a voicemail.

Maybe it was the manager of the clothing store on the first floor. Can't imagine why he would care though, the bike is parked in such a way that it doesn't impede the sideway, and is nowhere near the entrance to any business or establishment.

Let me think and see if there was anybody I might have offended, inadvertently of course.

I'm going to figure this one out. It's a vendetta, I must have my revenge.

Whoever did this must be made to...

Suck.

My.

Balls.